Today was pre-transplant scan day. The day that had been marked in our calendars the moment we froze our embryos. And then circled that date so we wouldn't forget, wouldn't double book ourselves, would plan our day and week around. As we drove to the clinic this morning a very subtle, but very true feeling of nervousness kicked up in my stomach. Hubby noticed straight away and grabbed my hand from my lap, trying to calm me. There was so much riding on this appointment. So many months of patience and heart ache that had led us to this day; the day that would decide when our embryos would come home to me, to start their new life.
We didn't wait long before we were called into his office. With a warm hug and handshake for us both we sat and awaited our fates. He explained how he'd recently been named one of the most successful IVF specialists in our state, and that his rate of pregnancy post frozen transfer was higher than any of his colleagues. He was proving to us that our faith in him was not misplaced. And he was already right, we trust him 100 percent. The rest was up to us!
It wasn't long before my undies were off, and my legs were up in stirrups (we all know that awkward position). As he scooted the ultrasound probe round my lady regions staring intently at the screen, his face looked puzzled. "What day are you again?" he asked. "Day 11" I replied quietly. Hmmm.... And then he looked at me with that face he gives, that face I know all too well means something's not quite right, and explained that I had no signs of follicle growth, and no build up in uterine lining. Which basically means my hormones are still not behaving and my body is not produced oestrogen to the level that would produce an ovulation. Without those hormones, my body wouldn't recognise an embryo and provide a nice warm uterus for it to attach to.
I wiped off the ultrasound jelly, pulled my pants back on, and sat back down at his desk avoiding Hubby's gaze. I knew he was disappointed, and if I looked at him now I would lose the ability to hold it all together. Doc went on to outline a new plan of attack for us. As of the beginning of next cycle I'd go on hormone replacement therapy (HRT). A combination of drugs to build up my uterus and invoke an ovulation. BUT it didn't involve Clomid (thank goodness)! In order to get back to Day 1 without too much messing about, I'll be back of progesterone tablets to force my period to start, which should only take about seven to 10 days. The HRT will then take about 12 to 14 days, at which point we can rescan for possible transfer dates.
The ride home from the doctors was a quiet one, save for my crying and Hubby's ragged breathing as he too tried to hide his tears. 24 more days! It may not seem like a long time to many, but to us it is yet another lifetime to live through. Another slow and painful wait until our fate is yet again called up for deciding.
In 26 days we have booked our very first weekend getaway together in over two and a half years. In 32 days it is our third Wedding Anniversary. In 59 days we will mark the second Anniversary of the loss of our first pregnancy, and the beginning of our battle with infertility. So 24 days may feel like a short time for some, but to us it is torture.
So I might be jumping the gun being excited about this, BUT we got some pretty exciting news this morning...
After seven months of wondering whether my ovaries would ever do what we wanted them to and pop a darn egg, my scan this morning showed that the medications have worked enough to produce follicles. This doesn't sound like much, but a follicle is a pretty big step towards an egg, cos this is where your eggs come from.
Being a self-confessed dummy when it comes to all of this junk, I did a bit more research and thought you might find these pictures interesting.
So basically, PCOS is the commonest cause of ovulation disorders in women of reproductive age and is a familial condition. PCOS is a primary ovarian condition and is characterized by the presence of many minute cysts in the ovaries and excess production of androgens. PCOS can be found in apparently normal women and the full expression of the disease so-called “Stein-leventhal syndrome” is very uncommon. PCOS is frequently associated with weight gain, excessive hair growth in the face and body, irregular and infrequent periods or absent periods, infrequent or absent ovulation, miscarriage and infertility. The cause of PCOS is not fully understood. There are long-term risks of developing type 2 diabetes, cardiovascular disease and cancer of the womb. Women diagnosed as having PCOS before pregnancy have an increased risk of developing gestational diabetes.
This is what my ovaries look like on ultrasound scan (before I started medication).
All those dark circles are cysts, they stop the production of regular follicle and egg development.
And now, due to the wonders of a fantastic fertility medication which I've been on for two cycles, my ovaries (well, the right one at least) looks like this!
The dark circles are now developing follicles, and that nice big fat one up top is due to ovulate and bring us our first egg in seven months!
You may be wondering what medication I'm on, and at the moment that's not something I'll talk about in specifics. Mostly because we don't definitely know it's worked through to conception, and also because what works for me might not work for you! I can tell you that the two cycles have changed my body almost completely! I have gained about 3.5kg, I constantly feel water-logged, my hair colour and texture have changed (I was a definite ash blonde, I'm now mousy reddy-brown), I have developed adult acne and I've had some absolutely awesome hot flushes which lead to some super mood swings.
BUT like I said, you might already be on the same meds and not feel this way, so to each their own!
So, it's still VERY early days, but inside I'm getting excited about the idea that things may be changing for the good! I've just got to keep up my cycle charts, watch my temperatures and pray that in the next four days my little follicle pops a little egg!
Wish us luck! Sunny xx
