Waiting for something beautiful

So the reason I started this blog today is because it's been a day of reflection for me and hubby.  Today we found out that round two of medications hasn't yet kick-started my ovaries like the doctor thought it would. And so we're back to waiting and trying higher doses and saying more prayers.  

I think being the age I am, having a doctor tell us that the method he thought would be successful isn't working, is a bit of a kick in the gutts.  I'm not saying it's the worst news we've had and it's not something we can't get over, but it's hard to hear nonetheless.

I must admit I'm pretty darn clueless when it comes to fertility and women's health issues in general.  We didn't even know I had PCOS until we couldn't get pregnant.  So this is very much a surprise and a lesson for us day to day. In the last seven months I have learned how to count days, keep charts of temperatures, predict ovulation dates and manage symptoms.  That in itself is a pretty major lesson!  

In the last three months I've discovered what fertility drugs are used for certain conditions, which medications we'll be on and for how long, and what happens if they don't work.  I've physically felt a wonderful range of normal, great, bloated, crampy, moody and some days like my body is not my own.  Emotionally is about the same.  We have really positive days and then there's ones like today where something someone says, a song, a book, can make me cry.

There are days when talking to people is the best remedy, and days when you're sick of hearing "you're so young, just relax and it'll happen". I'm SURE I'm not the first person to hate hearing that phrase.

Hubby is so good to me.  He takes the mood swings, the crying, the obsessive bouts of house-cleaning and bake-a-thons that can occur on any given day.  He knows when to give me space, when to hold me tight, the right things to say and can pray like no one else I have ever met!

I believe with all my heart that when God chooses to send us a baby He will.  This is yet another area I have learned to accept and embrace.  The things we want now may not be in His plan...just yet.  Don't get me wrong, there are days I am frustrated by this!  And days when God and I argue about whose timing is best. BUT our faith is strong and it's keeping us going.  Our baby is coming, I know it!