It is still very surreal to say those words out loud and in front of people other than just the two of us. Feels like, if we say it, it must really be real. And it has taken us quite some time to let it really sink in. But as the weeks have gone by, and we attend each obstetric appointment and glimpse the tiny, precious little life growing inside my womb and hear its magnificent heart beat, it is slowly and surely becoming real.
I am just over 13 weeks along as I write this. I wanted to be able to write this post a lot sooner, however the first trimester has been jam-packed with experiences that have left me both exhausted, unwell and overwhelmed. My morning sickness, or as I refer to it - general grossness, hasn't been as horrible as people told me to expect. I tended to get more nauseated as the day went on, differing in severity depending on how much rest I got the night before. The migraines on the other hand have been a bit of a struggle to get used to, knowing that I can only take paracetamol and not use my trusty wheat pack on the back of my neck. But, up until week 11 I was feeling rather proud of the fact that I hadn't had any major dramas or let the first trimester grossness get the better of me. Week's 11 and 12 were much rougher on my system. I had consecutive days of severe migraines, caused by high blood pressure and low blood sugar. Followed the next week with an emergency department visit for a nasty kidney infection. I am just now finishing up a long course of antibiotics for my kidney, and very grateful it is nothing more serious.
I won't lie, I make a very anxious pregnant woman! I get nervous about every little back ache or stomach cramp right now. But it's something that I'm working on with the help of my wonderful Husband, Obstetrician and close group of friends. We are blessed to be surrounded by so many people who have been where we are now, and they never tire (or at least they pretend not to) of hearing my silly questions. Right now we are just taking this incredible experience day by day. We are fortunate also, to have our fertility specialist as our Obstetrician. He has been with us for 99% of our treatment and we couldn't feel in safer hands with this little one.
People say that once you have your prayers answered, it'll be easy to look back and feel that everything that led to that moment was worth it. All the pain, all the confusion, all the anger, all the loss of faith in yourselves. And I now understand that. God has an amazing way of fulfilling our hearts desires. We need only wait, in faith, for Him to show us when the time is right. This last IVF transfer was difficult for us. I was upset the whole day, sobbing in the car on the way to the clinic, thinking that this was our last chance for a long time and how heart-broken we would be if it failed. But He heard us in our darkest moments. He felt the weight of our grief and chose February 6th, 2013 as the day to answer our prayers. And as I watch my belly slowly start to grow, and hear our tiny one's strong heart beat on the monitor, I have never been more grateful for anything in my life. Every single second has led Hubby and I together, and this baby into our lives. Nothing is more important now.