When I first decided to start this 30 Days of Grateful Blogging project I was stuck in a bit of a rut. We were on a baby hiatus and felt like we were very literally getting nowhere in our attempts to have a family. My job was stressful in ways that were affecting every other part of my life. And Hubby was struggling with coming to terms with our inevitable step towards IVF. I wanted to find a way to focus on something other than myself, on my troubles and dig myself out of the misery that was building around me. I wanted to show the world I wasn't ungrateful for the blessings I was receiving and not acknowledging. I had been far too vain and ignorant for far too long. There were so many beautiful things in my life, and I was just passing them off like they didn't mean a thing. But I was wrong. Boy, I was I so very wrong.
When you choose to focus on the positive instead of dwelling on the negative something magical happens... you start to see beauty in EVERYTHING and EVERYONE!! I started waking with a purpose of intentionally finding something lovely to be thankful for. The first few entries were easy to write. Sunny days, phone calls from friends, cuddles with my Husband; all the simple things I am so grateful for. But it became so much bigger than me, and my immediate sphere. It became about growing as a person; someone who doesn't need constant entertaining or huge acts of universal kindness to be grateful for what's right here in front of me everyday.
I would drive to work and just lose myself in the glorious sunrise shining across the city at 6.30am every morning. I would sit on the couch and find myself thinking how content I am with my little home and the two amazing creatures I share it with. I would pay more attention to the conversations I had with friends, take more time to spend with them, and really just try and be a good friend. I found myself saying quiet "thank you's" that only God could hear, several times a day when I felt like I was having a special moment just for me. I told my Husband I loved him, a million times a day, and why he was so darn incredible in my eyes. I let my guard down around him; was my real self, and he was his. We loved, like we haven't in such a long time; with no agenda, no rules. Just us.
So here we are, 30 (or so) days later... We are about to embark on one of the most exciting times in our lives. Hubby has just started back at uni, and I am about to start a new chapter at work doing something I've waited a long time to get into. AND we just started our first IVF cycle. And the best part is that we're both comfortable and 100% ready for it all! It will be a lot to take on all at once, and for the tiniest time we were worried it was all too much at once. But the time we have taken away from everything baby-making has brought us together, stronger and sturdier than before. I am grateful now for that time we took. For very, very soon, all our waiting will be over!
So though this project was only ever meant to be 30 days long, it is something that I will keep close to my heart and mind for the rest of my life. Wake up every day searching for something beautiful. Even if you are having a bad day, look for the little things that can turn it around. It can be a person, a kind word, a funny picture, a song that sings your thoughts, a cuddle, or your cat!
amen :)
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