Sunday, 2 February 2014

Struggle street

I've got to admit I'm struggling at the moment. I wake up in the morning, at whatever time Little Miss chooses to wake me, and I don't feel rested. It's my birthday tomorrow and it's quite honestly the furthest thing from my mind. 

At home I am dealing with a very uncomfortable and unhappy three month old who is apparently cutting teeth way sooner than anyone expected. What was once a pretty good routine is now out the window and we spend our days cuddling, bouncing, medicating and soothing instead, hoping she'll fall asleep and stay that way longer than 20minutes.  My back hurts, my neck hurts, my knees hurt and my head hurts (I would do anything for a long, hot bath).  Add to all this the emotional exhaustion that comes with grief; something I haven't had to deal with before whilst also having a little person to care for. I am physically and mentally worn thin. 

Hubby does so much to help, unfortunately we have a baby who, not unlike many other babies her age, is only consoled by her mother. I love her to pieces, but my inability to have five whole minutes to myself this week has only exacerbated how low I currently feel. I am doing everything I can to not just curl up in a ball. But, as I'm sure some of you have also experienced, I can't do that. My daughter would not understand why her mummy has become feotal and unresponsive. She would only cry louder in the hopes of baby-slapping me out of my stupor. 

Tomorrow I'm going to make time for me. I don't think that's selfish. I need time alone in my garden in the sunshine. Time to organise and pot the plants we bought today. Time to stand in the sun and release some tension.  It's only now I'm realising what a gift alone-time really is. You take it so much for granted when you don't have kids.  I think hobbies of our own are what keep us sane when everything else becomes a family event (even going to the bathroom).  And with very little ability to schedule in my hobbies at the moment I'm losing my balance.  Tomorrow I'm taking my time back! 

How do you de-stress and unwind when things get hectic? Is there a secret to getting some time yourself when you've got kids? What are your hobbies? I'd love to hear your thoughts. 


1 comment:

  1. I remember this period intensely. 3-4 months rough; I think they are major milestone months developmentally. The sleep issues and the crying...hard. The best thing you can do right now is to plan ahead and carve out time for yourself. You can arrange a friend/family member/ or sitter to watch baby girl for half a day so you can get out and shop or garden. Make a little schedule with your hubby that after dinner, and once Smooshy is fed, you will be taking a bath and tending to yourself for a half hour. You need to do these things for yourself, even if it means your baby cries with someone else for a little while. Maybe this will force her to allow someone other than you to sooth her.

    I know well how tough this time is. Just hang in there and know that these things come in phases. Soon enough baby will feel better and allow you a little more time to yourself. I won't tell you that you will have as much as you would like, because I am pretty sure that is over, but MAKE some time where ever you can.

    MissC (Alissa)