My little makeover

TA DA!! Here it is, the new look Sunny Side Up blog. After a year of brightly coloured goodness I am ready for a change into something more subtle, more grown up. 

They say a change is as good as a holiday, and since it's going to be a while before I get another one of those I felt the need to mix things up. I love this blog. I am so proud of what is was and what it has become. I'm proud that people come back to read new posts. And I'm proud of the little community we have created, and the greater blogging and support community we are a part of.  This blog got me and Hubby through some very dark days in our years of infertility and trying to conceive. And in April this humble little blog of mine turns four. 

Now that our precious little Gracie has come along I have been wondering if I'm still relevant to many of you. Just because we got our baby doesn't mean everyone else did. And I don't want to lose those of you still waiting, because I'm waiting with you. I'm still cheering you on. I still understand your pain and confusion and anticipation. And I still care so very much about you.  So I have thought long and hard about the direction this blog should take, about what I can continue to offer you without overwhelming you with baby stories. 

I can't remember if I've ever shared with you my ultimate personal goal for this space, what I hope all my writing and networking and designing can achieve. And that's this: I would love to develop Sunny Side Up into a foundation that offers couples and families emotional and financial support, collaborating with doctors, psychologists and scientists in the field of fertility. Because I remember how little we knew about fertility issues before and after our diagnosis. I remember being upset, confused and afraid we'd never be able to afford the treatment we required to bring us a baby. And I remember feeling so helpless. It was through our beautiful network of friends, and eventually our magnificent doctor, that we came to understand the path required for us. And with the financial support of our family we spent the next three years facing the uphill battle of tests, procedures, medications and IVF.  I want to be able to pay that forward. 

It's not going to happen soon. I know that. I'm realistic about this goal. But it's something Hubby and I are determined to achieve. In the meantime I'd like this blog to continue to shine on as a beacon of support to those who need it. I am nothing without you all, and I ask that you stick with me, recommend me and share WITH me. I want to help. I want to hear your stories. My own fertility journey is not over by any means, but right now I have the baby I wanted and it's time to focus on something new.  So while I'll continue to write about my own little life, I also want to bring some positivity to yours.  Let me know what interests you, what you're passionate about, if I can use my nursey skills to research/explain something. Let me know when I'm getting to "mummy" for you, and when I'm boring the heck out of you.  If you've got something to say, SAY IT, because I want to hear it. You can never have too many supporters and I want to be yours!

Thanks for stickin' with me. 

Sunny xx 

You gotta have friends

This is a shoutout to our friends. To those gorgeous people who support us, love us, enquire about us constantly, give us things, give great hugs and who make us feel wonderful. 

I've always said that certain friends are more like family to us. Our families are so terrific and supportive and nothing can take that away from them. But we also have some very dear, long term friends who have filled our lives in times when our families weren't close by. Friends who, when we were married stood beside us blessed our marriage and celebrated with us. Friends who, when they found out we wanted so desperately to have a baby vowed to hold our hands, give us words of encouragement and offered advice and guidance.  Friends who, when we are struggling with time management, poor finances and heavy loads roll up their sleeves, offer their wares and never hesitate to help us any way they can. They are our people and we love them all so much. 

The Sunny family may not all be joined by blood, but we are definitely joined at the heart. Thank you to all of you who love us so much. I hope you know that we'd never hesitate to return the favour. 

                               

Sunny xx

Weekly brain dump

We've got a new couch. Woohoo! A very big thankyou to our friends A and C for gifting us with our super comfy new lounge room edition. Gracie has already christened it by taking a nap on its plush cushions. She very much approves. And The Boo has found herself a new hiding spot underneath the skirting.

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Gracie has finally broken my brain with her sleep-deprivation torture. I have been stumbling around all weekend like a zombie in an attempt to get things done on very little rest. 

We had been working so hard on our evening routine. Dinner time, bath, booby and then bed. For a whole week it was going gangbusters! And then we had to go out on Friday evening, and instead of our nice little routine we were traipsing around the city until 10pm.  I recently read an article on Fat Mum Slim where she stated that friends don't let friends take babies out to dinner. I want to add to that, HUSBANDS don't let wives take babies out after 6pm! It's just too dangerous of an adventure. 

There was nowhere comfy or secluded to feed, she fell asleep for a moment in the pram only to be woken by the band playing (in which Hubby plays too I might add, and the reason we were out), and then it rained on us. All in all it was not a night out fit for a Gracie. And we (mostly me) have been paying for it ever since. Our evening routine had been demolished and she is back to dinner, bath, booby, nap, PLAYTIME. Not good!

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I still have PMS but good old Aunt Flo hasn't arrived, making this week two of hormonal madness. Ah ovaries, you are back to being completely messed up. It's good to know some things never change. 

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I've got to spend some time with Hubby's sister these last couple of weeks. We have a weekly lady-lunch date where we either stay home and watch junk TV, or we venture out into the city to go antique shopping, plant buying and coffee drinking. I really look forward to those days. And best part is, now she lives so close again we can do it all the time. Gracie loves a bit of a distraction from Mummy time too. 

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My name is Sunny and I am addicted to Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. We don't get this show on Australian TV and I was introduced to Alana and June and their redneck goodness through Toddlers and Tiaras. Then I found out they've got their own show and that there are already two whole seasons available for download and I got hooked!! Oh my word, it's like a train wreck, you know you shouldn't be so interested in it, but you can't look away. And the fact that June is only 34 years old boggles my brain. What the heck?!?! I can not wait til they make more of it!! 

Have you got a TV show addiction? Is it one you're a little embarrassed about? Oooh tell me so I can join you!!

Weekly brain dump

We finally farewelled our big old red couch this week. The base fell out the bottom and the springs gave Sunny Hubby a rather hilarious poke in the bottom. So we dragged it to the front kerb and left it for council collection.  Our great friends A and C kindly have gifted us with a rather gorgeous replacement couch and I'm so excited to give our living room a bit of a makeover.  Being in a townhouse with open plan living-dining room means the layout of furniture doesn't change all too often. Now I've got a great excuse to move some things around and buy some gorgeous new pillows and throw rugs. 

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Our neighbourhood is currently experiencing it's annual kerbside collection. This is when you're allowed to make a giant pile of your old household furniture and crap on the footpath outside your home and men from the council will come and collect it. The idea is that anything worth salvaging goes to charity stores and sold for a good cause. The reality is that every day in the lead up to said collection the trolls drive round your suburb with their trailers and empty cars, stopping at each individual pile and rifling through your discards for their own use. I've seen sedans with couches hanging out boots. I've seen compact cars piled high with broken electronics.  But worst of all, I've seen bags and bags of secondhand clothes ripped open and thrown across driveways as people ravage donations for a little something for themselves.  Don't get me wrong, when I was a poor university student we may have acquired a whole dining table and chairs from such a collection day, but I would never destroy what remains I didn't want and leave a huge mess on a strangers front footpath. That's poor form! 

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Gracie's teeth still haven't cut through the gum yet! Which leaves my poor little chicken with ongoing aches and pains.  In an attempt to cut down on paracetamol use my girlfriend recommended the Hylands baby teething range and the gel has been an absolute lifesaver. 

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The Walking Dead started again this week. If I haven't mentioned it before, I'll tell you now - I LOVE TWD!! I'm addicted. From the first show. And then I became addicted to the comic. And then to the games.  Andrew Lincoln can be my sheriff any day! And I know everyone loves Darryl, so you can keep him and I'll have Rick all to myself! 

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I am pre-menstrual and I hate it! My damn ovaries are up to no good again (more on this topic later). Needless to say I'm not happy camper at the moment. Oh dear!

How's your week been? 

How long after baby did you get your period back? 

Any other tips for teething babies?

Am I boring you all yet? 

Have a good one! 

Weekly brain dump

I had so hoped to get this post out by Friday night at the latest, but it's been another crazy week here in Sunnyville. Thank goodness it's time for a brain dump!!

This week's brain strain is sadly mostly about money, or more accurately our lack of at the moment. Give me a "HELL YEAH!" if you feel my pain.   All our big bills seem to come at once. This week we got our quarterly electricity bill (way too big to say just how much it is), phone bill, our health insurance premium went up and our car rego is due. Boo!!  Petrol prices are sky high at the moment too, so when we fill up the car we make sure we take our discount vouchers with us, but even then we only get a half tank so we don't have to spend a fortune. 

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Gracie is teething like a maniac! She has been for the last two weeks now, poor wee chicken. We've seen no tooth pegs come through as yet, but her gums are especially swollen around her eye teeth. She's got most of the other lovely symptoms too like sore bottom, tugging at her ears and rubbing her eyes non-stop. She's feeding more frequently to try and get some relief, and her sleeping pattern sucks for everyone involved. We've kept her on a pretty tight schedule of baby paracetamol drops and Bonjela tooth gel.  Depending on the day of week she either loves or hates taking a dummy, and it's usually her dislike days where she'll feed more often. Right now she is crashed out on my chest and my slightest movement wakes her in frantic tears. 

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Why won't our cat poop in her litter box anymore? This is a question I ask myself daily. I've even asked a vet if there's something wrong, because it seems The Boo no longer feels she is required to poop in her allocated litter tray anymore. Instead she is gradually painting the floor of our garage with poop-art. And guess who wins the lotto of getting to scoop/scrape it up?  That'd be me!! Woohoo!  From what I have read and the vet could explain is that she's telling Hubby and I she is now the boss of the house, or at least the garage area. And to make it all a bit more fun she likes to watch as I clean up her filth. Weirdo!!

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I think we've found a childcare centre for Gracie, which is a massive relief. It was the last centre we toured and conveniently the closet one to our house. Infact it's practically in our street.  The reason we hadn't applied there sooner is because they never returned an email enquiry I'd sent late last year, so I assumed they couldn't fit us in. Turns out their email has recently changed and I was sending my questions to the old address. Anyway, this centre is lovely. The nursery room is nice and big and airy with its own sleeping room and garden play area. All meals and nappies are included each day. And the staff the kid ratio is awesome. Plus we can walk there from home if we want!  Phew!

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The sixth of February marked a whole year since Gracie's Boobal defrost and transfer date. What a milestone! I wonder if one day we'll celebrate these days or the actual Boobal conception date with our kids. Would that be weird? Kind of like having three birthdays but all in different years.  Maybe it'll just be something Hubby and I acknowledge so as to not confuse everyone. Haha! 

Anyone celebrating any significant milestones of their own this week/month/year?  Let me know, I'd love to celebrate with you. 

Have a great week everyone! 

Struggle street

I've got to admit I'm struggling at the moment. I wake up in the morning, at whatever time Little Miss chooses to wake me, and I don't feel rested. It's my birthday tomorrow and it's quite honestly the furthest thing from my mind. 

At home I am dealing with a very uncomfortable and unhappy three month old who is apparently cutting teeth way sooner than anyone expected. What was once a pretty good routine is now out the window and we spend our days cuddling, bouncing, medicating and soothing instead, hoping she'll fall asleep and stay that way longer than 20minutes.  My back hurts, my neck hurts, my knees hurt and my head hurts (I would do anything for a long, hot bath).  Add to all this the emotional exhaustion that comes with grief; something I haven't had to deal with before whilst also having a little person to care for. I am physically and mentally worn thin. 

Hubby does so much to help, unfortunately we have a baby who, not unlike many other babies her age, is only consoled by her mother. I love her to pieces, but my inability to have five whole minutes to myself this week has only exacerbated how low I currently feel. I am doing everything I can to not just curl up in a ball. But, as I'm sure some of you have also experienced, I can't do that. My daughter would not understand why her mummy has become feotal and unresponsive. She would only cry louder in the hopes of baby-slapping me out of my stupor. 

Tomorrow I'm going to make time for me. I don't think that's selfish. I need time alone in my garden in the sunshine. Time to organise and pot the plants we bought today. Time to stand in the sun and release some tension.  It's only now I'm realising what a gift alone-time really is. You take it so much for granted when you don't have kids.  I think hobbies of our own are what keep us sane when everything else becomes a family event (even going to the bathroom).  And with very little ability to schedule in my hobbies at the moment I'm losing my balance.  Tomorrow I'm taking my time back! 

How do you de-stress and unwind when things get hectic? Is there a secret to getting some time yourself when you've got kids? What are your hobbies? I'd love to hear your thoughts. 

                                            

Weekly brain dump

I woke up this morning with so much stuff running around my head.  Life in general has been pretty hectic since January started, so much going on and so much to organise as well.  And with the sad events of this last week I feel like I need to get some of the crap out of my head.  So I say this in fair warning to you all, this is going to be a random brain dump.  Feel free to join in with me.  Kinda like having a good ol' bitch session, minus the cattiness.  Let's call it a debrief.  And if it helps to make us feel a bit less bogged down in the brain we can make it a recurring thing!


I woke up this morning with perfectly messy second-day straightened bedhead.  You all know what I mean.  It's when your hair is doing on its own what you've attempted to make it do all week.  Anyway, I thought AWESOME! I won't have to put in too much effort today (I'm taking Gracie out to afternoon tea in the city with a girlfriend. How swanky!).  But no, I was wrong, because the minute I turn on any type of water source (kettle, tap, shower) my hair develops the frizz factor and my perfectly messy hair goes straight to crazy person who left the house without using a hairbrush hair.  Even a super sexy shower cap can't prevent that mess.  Oh well, looks like I'll be able to master my 'how to act cool while appearing totally cray-cray' today.  I'll just blame the baby?!

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So the reason I had totally flawless hair yesterday (pfft!) is because it was D's funeral.  Sunny Hubby and I sat a few rows behind my girlfriend K who was surrounded by family.  It was the most beautifully devastating funeral I had ever attended.  D's life was full of love and that really showed in the outpouring of grief and love at her death.  Hubby and I were asked to read a small prayer for the family and carers of D.  I wasn't able to say a word, instead Hubby read it for me, holding my hand the entire time.  Gosh I love him!

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So I'm struggling to find a daycare centre that can take Gracie when I want to go back to work.  It's my own fault really.  I'd been told I should have had her enrolled before she was even born and I thought that was a hilarious joke...at the time!  Now I'm going through the tedious task of revisiting all the centres who previously said they couldn't fit her in and begging them to have her.  The ideal centre would be the one on the hospital campus where I work, but I have been told that she is more than 100 down the waiting list of nursery-aged kids who needs a placement at that same time we do.  How can that be?  Did all the nurses suddenly start having babies at the same time?  My mind boggles.

I guess our other option, and one that is becoming more and more likely as the weeks pass by, is that we'll place her in family/home daycare.  I just don't know how I feel about that. I mean absolutely no disrespect to anyone who runs family daycare or sends their kids to one, I just don't know much about them.  Are they as well governed as larger centres?  How many children do they usually take at once?  I honestly have no clue.  Anyway, over the next couple of days when I've got Hubby at home we're going to go on a daycare tour of our local area, show up on their doorstops looking all nicely dressed and well-spoken and hope to hell they can help us out.  What are my chances?  Wait, don't answer that!

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 So it's my birthday on Monday.  I'll be (sounds like...) shmenty-shmeight.  Not a big deal really.  Actually, I nearly forget it was even coming up.  Thank goodness Hubby keeps track of these things.  Must be programmed into his phone calendar somewhere with all the other 'my wife will kick me if I forget' dates.  So in lieu of my birthday nonchalance I have made no plans yet and the only thing I can think of that I want is plants.  Is that boring?  I've even got a mental list of the plants I want.   A Gardenia, Star Jasmine, purple Anemone Monarch and a miniature herb garden.  

Plus I might grab some bulbs for planting later in the year.  Dahlias, Blue Aconitum, Peonies and Renunculas.  Ooooh now I AM getting excited!!

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Our poor, old, well worn-in red leather couch is finally kicking the bucket.  We inherited our couch from Hubby's sister when we first moved in together.  Its got big, deep cushions and it's long enough to lie down flat and have a good snooze in.  I hated it at first due to the colour, but it has grown on me over the years and I had come to love it.  Now that the leather is wearing and tearing, and it makes an unholy creak and crunch noise when you sit down on it I am starting to despise it again.  Sadly we're not rich enough to be able to replace it at the moment so Hubby has done some DIY repairs to the broken base and we're just going to live in couch-death denial until we can afford something shiny and new.  Eeeeewww!

Well, I think that's all I feel I should dump on you for now.  My head certainly feels lighter on my shoulders already.  And heck, look at the time, I've gotta go get ready for our fancy afternoon tea.

What's on your mind this week?  Let me know, maybe we can help lighten your load! 
   

The hardest goodbye

I couldn't imagine how I'd feel if someone put a countdown on my remaining days in this life.  A very dear friend of mind is sadly losing her fight with secondary bowel cancer. D is one of the strongest women I've ever known, overcoming breast cancer several years ago. It was only during her yearly routine remission checkup last year that they found secondary masses in several hotspots around her body. D took this in her stride, bargaining with her treating team about the methods of treatment that would give her best quality of life, rather than prolong her days to a painful end. But now, despite everyone's best efforts and all the prayers in the world, D can not fight any harder or longer. 

D has over the years been very much like a mother to me. As a kid we moved from the city to the country and I met a girl in school. K and I became fast friends sharing many hobbies and relating over our parents messy relationships. We spent most afternoons at either softball, touch footy or swimming together, and weekends hanging out at her place petting their German shepherd puppy. We've been friends now for 17 years. I can't tell you how many hours of my pre-teen and teenage years were spent in D's lounge. I was never not welcomed with open arms. 

K and I have supported each other through so much during those 17 years; high school, year 12 exams, boyfriends, university, getting married and having babies. It is now my turn to support her through what will be her greatest challenge her, her mother's death. This isn't something either of us ever thought we'd have to do until we were much older and so were our parents. Tragically K and D don't have the luxury of waiting. And as I sit in the chair beside D's hospital bed watching K fuss over her, attend her every need my heart breaks. 

I feel so sad for the memories they'll never make together.  I feel so sad about the conversations that I'm sure have taken place in these last few months. Final farewells, the regaling of days past, the warm, firm embraces and the sharing of tears and fears. How does a mother say goodbye to her daughter?  How does one prepare for such an important and life-affirming conversation?  What parting words of wisdom can you use to bring comfort to the years she'll spend without you? 

My daughter is 12 weeks old and I tell her at least 20 times a day that I love her, that I am grateful for her, that I have big dreams for her life. From the day she was born I felt a completeness to my life; to my soul. I could not imagine the sheer pain it must cause knowing I'd have to say goodbye to her. My daughter is 12 weeks old and already I imagine her wedding day and holding her children in my arms. My heart aches knowing that D dreamed these things for herself and K as well. 

What can anyone say to either of them to offer solace?  What can I possibly offer K in the days, weeks and years to come that will comfort her in this darkest of times in her life? My heart is breaking for them both and yet I know what I'm feeling is only a minute fraction of the pain they are sharing. 

I will hold my daughter closer, whisper I love you's more frequently and say many prayers for D and K. And I will offer all that I have; my love, my support, my shoulder, my home because that is all I can do.