Having shared our good news about starting IVF with our families last week, we have received many wishes of success and love from many of them. Many of them have known our story from the start, while some of them have only just found out. My parents are among those who have only known the dot points of our journey. This isn't because we don't love or trust them, it's mostly because we didn't really think they would understand.
The relationship I have had with my parents since I married Hubby has been tenuous at best. They thought I was too young to marry, too naive to be tied down, and too quick to "give up" my personal goals. They didn't quite understand that one of my goals was to marry my best friend, and start my own family. Instead, work and career was the dream they saw for me. So when we married and sailed off on our own adventure, the relationship I had with my Mum grew strained and distant. I never stopped loving her, and missed her companionship, but our chats became negative and our time together unpleasant. So I made the decision to take a parental time-out. Spending time trying to make them realise how happy I was, was too hard a job. I was wearing thin and it was effecting everything about me, including my new marriage.
Letting go for a time was the best thing I did for us. When my parent's needed us they knew they could call, and vise-versa. But we kept a distance until we were all ready to have an adult, relaxed and accepting relationship. They came to terms with Hubby as one of the family, and not the man who stole their daughter away. I came to accept that my parent's will never change, and I a choice to either listen to their opinions or ignore them without it upsetting me. This came in very useful when we had our miscarriage, and my parent's soothingly explained that it was for the best, as we weren't ready to be parents yet.
So over a phone call this week, as I told Mum that we were heading into IVF as we couldn't become parents on our own, she surprised me. She was upset that she hadn't heard of our struggle sooner; upset FOR us, and not about me not telling her. She offered us money, which we didn't accept, and more importantly she offered us prayers for success and told me how we'd both make wonderful parents. You have no idea how touching it was to hear those words.
I am grateful for acceptance. I am grateful for maturing relationships. I am grateful for offers of kindness.
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